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The House Guests From Hell

SchmidtySchmidty Posts: 6,814 Admiral
I am sure that we all have had them....:)

Since the 70's we have had shore property and for some odd reason that tends to bring with it a plethora of not only un-wanted, but many times un-invited "guests" as well.

Some years back I struck up an internet friendship with a fella who said that one of his fondest wishes in the world was to someday be able to go fishing on something other than a headboat and catch some fish without fighting a crowd.

After some time...PM's...and a few telephone calls...I asked this fella if he would like to come down and catch some fish and spend a week doing it as my guest...and I explained to him that he need not worry about anything like "splitting costs" ....as he had told me that he wasn't well heeled in the money department.

He was to arrive on a Saturday as he would be traveling a great distance and be leaving his home Friday after work.

Everything was cool....all the plans were set.....supplies in...boats fueled up...baits at the ready....

Saturday came and a older Suburban showed up and through the gate....and out of it popped my guest.......along with his wife....his brother in law...his wife...and 6 of the ugliest children that I have ever seen in my life....and who cares who made them...

The first thing out of the "invite-es" mouth was "where's the beer" along with a punch in my arm....he wife said..."yall must be rich....where's the pool"...two kids farted and then dragged a smelly dog out of that chit wagon that immediately pizzed right on the flowers that the bride just planted.....followed by "Good Boy" from the sister-in-law.

As I stood there with jaw on the ground....the tribe from hell stretched it's legs and looked around in awe like a pack of Romanians that just gazed at their first toilet.

The Bride called me in the house and asked me if I had invited the entire cast from "Deliverance" ...or just these inbreds. :)

After telling her that I only invited the driver she told me that it was they who "overstepped the lines of graciousness" and that everything up to and including a swift kick in the can was now justified to remove all of them before they all put brown dead grass marks all over the lawn.

I took the guy who I invited aside and asked him why did he bring his entire family and then some when I had only invited him?

He said that he didn't think that I would mind and that only his brother-in-law would be fishing with us...my response was .."well...what do you think that everyone else would be doing when we were fishing?"...he responded ..."swimming"....

After a short conversation they all got back into their "Grapes Of Wrath" vehicle and headed..."presumably" back from whence they came...and I have never talked to him again.....nor have I ever invited anyone over who I didn't personally know.

Replies

  • Oldfox1939Oldfox1939 Posts: 521 Officer
    Sounds like a good script for a movie....

    Did they empty the shirt'er before leaving.
  • hatcityhatcity Stuart,FLPosts: 3,323 Captain
    was the dog named "snot"?
    did he have some mississippi leg-if ya know what I mean
    I was not born stupid, just had lots of practice
  • MenziesMenzies Posts: 19,289 AG
    Don't be putting anything lit anywhere near your storm drains for a while.
    Maybe if we tell people that the brain is an App, they will start using it.
  • Mango TangoMango Tango Posts: 2,019 Captain
    I am sure it is a funny story now that it's over with.

    Expectations via an online persona seldom match up. Nothing like a good old fashioned introduction/first impression.

    That said, one of my best friends/fishing buddy was an Internet acquaintance who happened to live nearby. I can still hear my wife.........."You're going fishing with a guy you just met on the Internet." "What if he's an axe murderer?"
  • Mango ManMango Man Posts: 11,458 AG
    Funny, but unfortunate.

    Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


    America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.
    Abraham Lincoln
  • AC ManAC Man Posts: 6,115 Admiral
    That's crazy. The people I have met on the FS Forum were great. A couple have become best friends. So did you ask them to leave? This sounds too crazy to be true. Sounds like a National Lampoon script. Chitter full? Lol.
  • MenziesMenzies Posts: 19,289 AG
    Wait - was this an FS Forum relationship?
    Maybe if we tell people that the brain is an App, they will start using it.
  • cadmancadman Home of the Gators Posts: 31,616 AG
    Aw c'mon man, you said bring the family.

    Besides, I saw you making eyes at Bertha

    Mini Mart Magnate

    I am just here for my amusement. 

  • DBRYANDBRYAN Posts: 4,415 Captain
    I never knew how many friends I had till I got a place on the beach.
  • Soda PopinskiSoda Popinski GrovelandPosts: 12,646 AG
    I think you should have let them stay. That would have been a much longer, funnier story. Probably could have wrote a book.
    You don't need fun to have alcohol
  • Tarpon65Tarpon65 Posts: 6,579 Admiral
    Cad, I think I'm seeing some of Bertha's naughty bits.......but I'm not sure? :huh
    Always Do Sober What You Said You'd Do Drunk. That Will Teach You To Keep Your Mouth Shut. - Ernest Hemingway
  • HeatwaveHeatwave Posts: 1,997 Captain
    DBRYAN wrote: »
    I never knew how many friends I had till I got a place on the beach.

    I always found it strange that people get so nutz over it. I rarely ever even ask for a hand doing something I need 2 people to do, let alone something like this. It is embarrassing and show a level of mentality I just cant do...
    My Estranged mother went to my Aunts on my dads side for a birthday party because my sister was invited. Traveled from Delaware to Ohio to do so. I find out months later that the car broke down, my sister flew back and my Mom shacked up with my rich aunt and her new husband for 2 weeks waiting on her car to be fixed. I was embarrassed, and had to explain the situation to my sister, like she had no clue that even when someone extends an offer, it would be ok to stay a day or two at most...
    Got a feeling it was so my mom could explain the divorce in 1973 and try to cover her tracks of 40 years... Pathetic !
  • Baits OutBaits Out Posts: 12,331 AG
    Yep!

    I grew up in Fort Lauderdale. We had a nice house on the Tarpon River and an outboard.

    After one uninvited relative couple showed up my parents thereafter always politely mentioned
    that if the visitors were planning to stay in the area they could highly recommend one
    of the nearby motels.

    Didn't have any freeloader visitors after that.

    :)

    A southeast Florida laid back beach bum and volunteer bikini assessor who lives on island time. 
  • gatorhookgatorhook Posts: 655 Officer
    DBRYAN wrote: »
    I never knew how many friends I had till I got a place on the beach.

    Or family!
  • Soda PopinskiSoda Popinski GrovelandPosts: 12,646 AG
    It's also amazing how many "friends" my brother found out he had when he started working at Disney. Relatives constantly letting him know they'd be down next month and "if you could get us into Disney that'd be fantastic".

    I admit I used that card myself, but once we got into Animal kingdom, drinks and lunch were on me, and when we went to the Food and Wine festival same deal. If you're going to benefit from something you have to reciprocate.
    You don't need fun to have alcohol
  • Triple Threat 33TTriple Threat 33T Port CanaveralPosts: 18,669 Admin
    This is a joke, right? Fiction?

    Good stuff :grin
    Schmidty wrote: »
    I am sure that we all have had them....:)

    Since the 70's we have had shore property and for some odd reason that tends to bring with it a plethora of not only un-wanted, but many times un-invited "guests" as well.

    Some years back I struck up an internet friendship with a fella who said that one of his fondest wishes in the world was to someday be able to go fishing on something other than a headboat and catch some fish without fighting a crowd.

    After some time...PM's...and a few telephone calls...I asked this fella if he would like to come down and catch some fish and spend a week doing it as my guest...and I explained to him that he need not worry about anything like "splitting costs" ....as he had told me that he wasn't well heeled in the money department.

    He was to arrive on a Saturday as he would be traveling a great distance and be leaving his home Friday after work.

    Everything was cool....all the plans were set.....supplies in...boats fueled up...baits at the ready....

    Saturday came and a older Suburban showed up and through the gate....and out of it popped my guest.......along with his wife....his brother in law...his wife...and 6 of the ugliest children that I have ever seen in my life....and who cares who made them...

    The first thing out of the "invite-es" mouth was "where's the beer" along with a punch in my arm....he wife said..."yall must be rich....where's the pool"...two kids farted and then dragged a smelly dog out of that chit wagon that immediately pizzed right on the flowers that the bride just planted.....followed by "Good Boy" from the sister-in-law.

    As I stood there with jaw on the ground....the tribe from hell stretched it's legs and looked around in awe like a pack of Romanians that just gazed at their first toilet.

    The Bride called me in the house and asked me if I had invited the entire cast from "Deliverance" ...or just these inbreds. :)

    After telling her that I only invited the driver she told me that it was they who "overstepped the lines of graciousness" and that everything up to and including a swift kick in the can was now justified to remove all of them before they all put brown dead grass marks all over the lawn.

    I took the guy who I invited aside and asked him why did he bring his entire family and then some when I had only invited him?

    He said that he didn't think that I would mind and that only his brother-in-law would be fishing with us...my response was .."well...what do you think that everyone else would be doing when we were fishing?"...he responded ..."swimming"....

    After a short conversation they all got back into their "Grapes Of Wrath" vehicle and headed..."presumably" back from whence they came...and I have never talked to him again.....nor have I ever invited anyone over who I didn't personally know.
    "Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."
  • tankardtankard Posts: 7,031 Admiral
    Cool stories, bros...
  • GardawgGardawg Posts: 9,469 Admiral
    Ya just never know who's gonna show up at your door.

    My college roomie and I rented a small house near the local VFW. There was two acre field between us. Every Saturday night they would have a dance featuring a country bank. Red necks, white sox, and Blue Ribbon Beer. It was shore nuff country.

    So one Saturday night we and a few other friends are sitting in our living room listening to some albums and enjoying some recreational herbs. We were rather mellow. When suddenly the front door was kicked open and a wild eyed redneck burst in yelling, "You gotta help me, I just stabbed somebody."

    He looked at us and then back out the door and remarked, "Oh, there's somebody I know." and ran back out.

    We just looked at each other. After a few beats someone remarked, "Did anyone else just see what I just saw?"
    “Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

    Heres Tom with the Weather.”
  • SchmidtySchmidty Posts: 6,814 Admiral
    This is a joke, right? Fiction?

    Good stuff :grin

    No...it actually did happen...:)

    ...as I can only imagine un-invited guests happen to just about everyone with a house near water.
  • dpdashdpdash Posts: 5,359 Admiral
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