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I don't know about all of you but

ParkerboyParkerboy Posts: 7,045 Admiral
My bowels are not as trustworthy as they were in my youth.
Deo Vindice


  • mindyabinessmindyabiness Posts: 7,990 Admiral
    edited July 2018 #2
    Oh great......
    Another    "I **** my pants....did you?" thread
    Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon... No matter how good you are, the bird is going to crap on the board and strut around like it won anyway.
  • FishInFLFishInFL Posts: 2,222 Captain
    Oh great......
    Another    "I **** my pants....did you?" thread
    This guy and savemyriver should have a shot off!!! Hahahahahah
  • SaveMyRiverSaveMyRiver Posts: 430 Deckhand
    All we need now is @dropthehammer to derail this intelligent conversation
  • Turner River TerrorTurner River Terror Posts: 11,882 AG
    This is True..but their way more Reliable...
    Breakfast..hit the crapper
    Lunch , hold tight and try and make it home..
    Out in the boat  , just do it and cry ..Take me home....
    Killin and Grillin :grin
  • DropTheHammerDropTheHammer Posts: 556 Officer
    I’m looking for someone with substance.

    How do you make them normal?

    Let’s ask him what to do. He’s going to show us what to do?
    How would you translate that as? This is F’d in the head.

    substance. noun. : a material of a particular kind. : a drug that is considered harmful and whose use is controlled by law or made illegal.

    Oh yeah I like that, that’s good.
  • wahoowacker01wahoowacker01 Posts: 1,470 Officer
    When mine say Bill, I trot, walking leads to trotting if not full running. 
  • FishInFLFishInFL Posts: 2,222 Captain
    Too late derailment Is here
  • SaveMyRiverSaveMyRiver Posts: 430 Deckhand
  • wahoowacker01wahoowacker01 Posts: 1,470 Officer
    FishInFL said:
    Too late derailment Is here
    So shart is not in your repertoire? How about Trotskies?
  • pottydocpottydoc Posts: 5,638 Admiral
    Now this is what OT should be like. Enough of the political yak. Even though both this thread and political ones are on the same subject. :)
  • mplspugmplspug Posts: 16,014 AG
    Boxers or briefs?  I mean white tighties?
    Just dropping grenades in OT
  • Westwall01Westwall01 Posts: 5,452 Admiral
    Parkerboy said:
    My bowels are not as trustworthy as they were in my youth.

    So is it safe to guess that you sharted?!
  • Mackeral SnatcherMackeral Snatcher Posts: 13,671 AG
    Another crappy thread :)
  • conchydongconchydong Posts: 14,337 AG
    There was an old fisherman in Key West that lived on a houseboat. His name was Whicky Jack. He used to chew plug tobacco and wear white boxer shorts on the boat. You couldn't tell if he had his drawers on correctly because of the tobacco stains on one side and the chit stains on the other. 

    “Everyone behaves badly--given the chance.”
    ― Ernest Hemingway

  • GardawgGardawg Posts: 16,683 AG
    edited July 2018 #16
     Quit whining and take your medicine like a man …

    "Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can be sometimes easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love." Fred Rogers  
  • Soda PopinskiSoda Popinski Posts: 16,691 AG
    Hello shartness my old friend...
    You can't pet a dead dog back to life 
  • Westwall01Westwall01 Posts: 5,452 Admiral
    Another thread about sharts!
  • ParkerboyParkerboy Posts: 7,045 Admiral
    To clarify, no I did not shart my shorts. We ate at a restaurant only 5 miles from my house and just as we finished I told my wife we need to go NOW. Fortunately the 5 miles does not include traffic lights and only 1 stop sign so I made it home but it was close. My point was there was no forwarning. 
    Deo Vindice
  • wahoowacker01wahoowacker01 Posts: 1,470 Officer
    The good news is you made it. 
    The bad news is as you age, your opportunities not to make will be more frequent. 
  • treemanjohntreemanjohn Posts: 7,998 Admiral
    How old are y'all? Any history of penetration in the past?
    We’re like the piggy bank that everybody is robbing, and that ends
  • wahoowacker01wahoowacker01 Posts: 1,470 Officer
    I’m 62 thanks for asking. None that I know of, appreciate the concern. 
  • GardawgGardawg Posts: 16,683 AG

    Types of Colon and Rectal Surgery


    A colectomy, or, colon resection, removes all or part of the large intestine.


    A colostomy is a surgical procedure during which your surgeon creates a hole in your abdominal wall and pulls one end of the colon through the opening. Surgeons perform colostomy procedures to treat a number of colon and rectal conditions.

    Endoscopic Surgery

    Endoscopic surgery is performed using a scope, a flexible tube with a camera and light at the tip. This allows your surgeon to see inside your colon and perform procedures without making major incisions, allowing for easier recovery time and less pain and discomfort. Snaring is the most common surgical procedure that can be performed through any of the endoscopes. A snare is a wire formed like a lasso that is looped over a tumor and tightened; then the wire is electrified to prevent bleeding as it cuts through.


    Your doctor may first recommend nonsurgical treatments for hemorrhoids, including lifestyle changes and medications. If you tried home treatments and did not feel sufficient relief, you may be a candidate for surgery. Surgery for hemorrhoids is called a hemorrhoidectomy. During a hemorrhoidectomy, your doctor will place you under local anesthesia and make incisions around your **** to remove the hemorrhoids. A hemorrhoidectomy is generally an outpatient procedure, meaning you can go home the same day. You may feel some tenderness around the incisions. Hemorrhoidectomy often provides the best long-term results for hemorrhoids.

    Ileal Pouch Anal Anastomosis (J-Pouch)

    Ileal pouch anal anastomosis (IPAA), also called the J-pouch procedure, is a procedure to create a pouch from the end of your small intestine and attach the pouch to the ****. If you need to have your large intestine (colon) removed, IPAA restores your stool function. Surgeons perform IPAA for patients who needed their large intestine removed during a procedure called a colectomy, or colon resection. Patients can live without a colon, but bowel control can be problematic. IPAA helps restore control over bowel function.


    In the procedure,

    • Your surgeon removes your large intestine and create the pouch from the small intestine. He or she then creates a temporary ileostomy, which you will have for two months, during which time your bowel and the new pouch have time to heal.
    • After two months, you have a second operation, and your surgeon reverses the ileostomy. The pouch is now where stool will collect. You retain control of the anal muscles, allowing you to eliminate waste normally.
    • After the procedure, you will probably have more bowel movements compared to those without a pouch, but it does not greatly interfere with your quality of life.

    Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) Surgery

    Inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), which primarily includes ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease, causes flare-ups of intense intestinal pain that may require hospitalization. Your doctor will probably first recommend lifestyle changes and medications to relieve symptoms of IBD. However, if you do not find relief through nonsurgical methods, you may be a candidate for a surgical procedure.

    Surgeons perform surgery to remove the colon (colectomy) to treat ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease. The surgery is highly effective against ulcerative colitis, curing the disease and removing the risk of colon cancer. 

    Internal Sphincterotomy

    Surgeons often perform an internal sphincterotomy to treat anal fissures (small tears in the mucous lining of the rectum). Fissures often resolve on their own, through dietary changes and medications. However, if you have not found relief through nonsurgical methods, you may be a candidate for an internal sphincterotomy. The internal sphincter is the muscle in your body that opens and closes to allow stool to pass from the body. The goal of an internal sphincterotomy procedure is to stretch or cut the internal sphincter to weaken the muscle temporarily, allowing it to heal.

    During an internal sphincterotomy, your doctor will use a local anesthetic to numb the area, or a spinal anesthetic, which numbs the entire lower body. In some cases, general anesthesia may be used. They will make a small incision in the internal anal sphincter to reduce pressure on the muscle. Keep in mind that a sphincterotomy does not close the actual fissure. Anal fissures must heal on their own; a sphincterotomy lessens the spasms and relaxes the muscle, thus allowing the fissure to heal and close.


    Rectopexy is a surgical procedure to treat rectal prolapse. Some patients with mild cases of rectal prolapse may find relief by altering their diet or using laxatives or stool softeners. However, if these methods did not adequately improve your symptoms, you may be a candidate for rectopexy. This procedure repositions the internal structures and secures them in place.

    Before Surgery

    Prior to rectopexy, you will need to undergo a bowel-cleansing regimen, so your digestive system is free of stool for the procedure. During rectopexy, your surgeon will make an incision along your abdomen, separate the rectum from the surrounding tissues, and lift the rectum and suture it to the sacrum, or lower backbone, possibly using a mesh-like material to provide extra reinforcement. Your surgeon may perform this surgery in conjunction with anterior resection surgery, during which part of your colon (large intestine) is removed.

    After Surgery

    Following your surgery, you will need to give your body time to heal. Our medical team will discuss the recovery period with you. You will need to follow a liquid diet until your bowel function returns to normal, restrict certain activities that place strain on your abdomen, including lifting, and avoid coughing and straining during bowel movements. Complete recovery takes about four to six weeks.


    A resection is a surgical procedure to remove all or part of a diseased organ or tissue

      "Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can be sometimes easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love." Fred Rogers  
    • mindyabinessmindyabiness Posts: 7,990 Admiral
      Here you go, poop lovers...
      Everything you ever wanted to know about other peoples defecation.
      You can share all your "crappy" experiences here.

      Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon... No matter how good you are, the bird is going to crap on the board and strut around like it won anyway.
    • JEN'S REVENGEJEN'S REVENGE Posts: 661 Officer
      Did the restaurant have a restroom? 
    • Soda PopinskiSoda Popinski Posts: 16,691 AG
      I can't be the only person who's gotten home from work and had the wife coming at you arms out ready for a hug and had to give her the heisman stiff arm while yelling "I've gotta ****!" and hot footing it to the bathroom.    
      You can't pet a dead dog back to life 
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