Ever had an accident?

silverg

omg, that's what happens when you share a bed with someone with whom you aren't married?

Fish Haid

A story I wrote 4 years ago:

"A Shart Story"

I had a stuffed-up head and slightly sore throat Friday, but I figured it was from all the tree pollen. Same on Saturday. I woke up Sunday morning feeling just fine. Maybe a bit hung-over, but nothing extraordinary. I had my usual morning constitutional, with no sign of anything strange. A half hour later I was outside working on my truck and when I pulled extra hard on the wrench I let loose a little gas. Or, so I thought! I duck-walked into the house, sat down and dropped some sauce. After I cleaned up, I went back to work. About 30-40 minutes later, I went back inside, not feeling too great. I walked into the bathroom and suddenly felt nauseous. I leaned over the commode and barfed a bit of nasty-tasting bile from my empty stomach. Opps! I guess the effort forced more sauce out the other end too. That's the second pair of shorts ruined. This can't happen again. I'm definitely sick, and I've got to be more careful. Well, 30 minutes later, I felt that rumbling again. I made it in time, and sat down. Just as I let loose, I spontaneously hurled too. Well, guess where the puke went? Straight into my shorts that were sitting on the floor between my ankles. Pair number three - that's a full laundry load now. I was more careful for the next eight hours. I sat first and kept the bucket handy. I haven't been that sick in many years. I don't know if it was food-related, or just a flu-bug. My guts got better after 24 hours, then I got a slight fever Monday, and body-aches, and tired, but I managed to eat well. Monday night I woke up drenched in sweat, but the fever was gone. Moved to the guest bed and drenched that one too. Slept in the Jacuzzi for a while, which seemed to help (and I didn't even drown). Tuesday, the fever and stomach were fine, but I had a sore throat and chest cold. Tuesday night, couldn't sleep from coughing. Took a heavy-duty pain pill that I'd been saving for an emergency, and then slept well. Feel like a zombie today.

jad1097

:huh that was way too long of a paragraph to bother reading

Cyclist

...fast food diet will get you every time.....

Westwall01

Fish Haid wrote: »

A story I wrote 4 years ago:

"A Shart Story"

I had a stuffed-up head and slightly sore throat Friday, but I figured it was from all the tree pollen. Same on Saturday. I woke up Sunday morning feeling just fine. Maybe a bit hung-over, but nothing extraordinary. I had my usual morning constitutional, with no sign of anything strange. A half hour later I was outside working on my truck and when I pulled extra hard on the wrench I let loose a little gas. Or, so I thought! I duck-walked into the house, sat down and dropped some sauce. After I cleaned up, I went back to work. About 30-40 minutes later, I went back inside, not feeling too great. I walked into the bathroom and suddenly felt nauseous. I leaned over the commode and barfed a bit of nasty-tasting bile from my empty stomach. Opps! I guess the effort forced more sauce out the other end too. That's the second pair of shorts ruined. This can't happen again. I'm definitely sick, and I've got to be more careful. Well, 30 minutes later, I felt that rumbling again. I made it in time, and sat down. Just as I let loose, I spontaneously hurled too. Well, guess where the puke went? Straight into my shorts that were sitting on the floor between my ankles. Pair number three - that's a full laundry load now. I was more careful for the next eight hours. I sat first and kept the bucket handy. I haven't been that sick in many years. I don't know if it was food-related, or just a flu-bug. My guts got better after 24 hours, then I got a slight fever Monday, and body-aches, and tired, but I managed to eat well. Monday night I woke up drenched in sweat, but the fever was gone. Moved to the guest bed and drenched that one too. Slept in the Jacuzzi for a while, which seemed to help (and I didn't even drown). Tuesday, the fever and stomach were fine, but I had a sore throat and chest cold. Tuesday night, couldn't sleep from coughing. Took a heavy-duty pain pill that I'd been saving for an emergency, and then slept well. Feel like a zombie today.

You might want to keep a box of adult diapers handy

Westwall01

Polar wrote: »

I sharted in bed next to swts once when we were first dating lol

Did you have to throw out the mattress?!

Polar

nah, I was legitimately sick. We were new into the relationship so I did not feel comfortable yet to rip one on front of her. She got up, probably to walk across the house to rip one herself and I sneezed, while holding back a mudslide. Oops. I laid there and said, " i think Im gonna stay home today for work. Waiting, patiently for her to leave so I could wash the sheets. her little **** hound beagle was on it from the moment it happened, sniffing, scratching all up in my business as I laid there waiting for her to leave. The dog almost gave me away!

Mackeral Snatcher

Another crappy thread.

Westwall01

Polar wrote: »

nah, I was legitimately sick. We were new into the relationship so I did not feel comfortable yet to rip one on front of her. She got up, probably to walk across the house to rip one herself and I sneezed, while holding back a mudslide. Oops. I laid there and said, " i think Im gonna stay home today for work. Waiting, patiently for her to leave so I could wash the sheets. her little **** hound beagle was on it from the moment it happened, sniffing, scratching all up in my business as I laid there waiting for her to leave. The dog almost gave me away!

:rotflmao

Schmidty

Mackeral Snatcher wrote: »

Another crappy thread.

:grin

MGTeacher

Sharty thread?

Mackeral Snatcher wrote: »

Another crappy thread.

Westwall01

poopy thread

Polar

s h i t

Fish Haid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhbxpuBi-HU

Soda Popinski

No, come close. but never. I've given the mrs a stiffarm coming through the door Heisman style as she was coming in for a hug "I gotta ****" and ran to the bathroom.

amigho

cadman wrote: »

Never had that problem. I do not engage in activity that would weaken the Sphincter muscle and cause those problems.

So you're saying that holding the gerbils inside makes the sphincter stronger? Thanks for sharing.

DancinGene

Why is the OP still working?
Thought that he hit a big Lotto prize.

jad1097

This is the worst shet talking thread of all time

capt.nate

amigho wrote: »

at work? No change of clothes? I won the coveted darwin award today! Never trust stuffed cabbage! :grin

i sharted in my pants on the way out of middle school. i think it was 6th grade. it was a fun 5 mile bike ride home.

hatcity

I have a 50 yd. dumpster at all times with me. Paper towels, climb in the back

smallboat

I was about 12 years old and was with the family playing arcade games at a Putt-Putt. I didn't want to walk away from Terminator 2 and held in a rumble for a while. After a few minutes I realized I didn't have a choice, I needed to move.

I ran outside to the bathroom on the side of the building and ran in to the single stall. Of course it was occupied. :willynilly I had no choice but to stand there and (*&(* my pants. All down my jeans, into my shoes, etc. After the other dude left, I cleaned up as best I could and went to leave.

NO WAY was I doing that walk of shame back through the Putt-Putt building to leave. I got up on the air conditioner and jumped the back fence and met my family in the side parking lot to leave.
Dad was NOT happy about that ride home.

TL;DR - crapped my pants at a Putt-Putt and jumped the back fence ninja style.

Chuckc

A shart cost me $229.00 at the Apple Store one time. After the "event" the shorts I had on went in the washer with my iPhone 5 (before the 5s came out) and it didn't survive. The Apple Store would replace your amphibious iPhone 5 at that time for $229.00, plus tax.

cadman

amigho wrote: »

So you're saying that holding the gerbils inside makes the sphincter stronger? Thanks for sharing.

If you like Gerbils, go ahead. As I said, I stay away from those activities so I would not know.

I bet with $22,500 you can afford a lot of gerbils.

screamin seaman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcZqUDTXCUA

Westwall01

:rotflmao

Finger Mullet

I've had a couple arguments with a tree on my dirt bike, never won, in fact required elbow surgery once. Work never an issue nor employees, always took that way serious, dirt bike riding....well I do push it a little.

Westwall01

huh????

smallboat

Finger Mullet wrote: »

I've had a couple arguments with a tree on my dirt bike, never won, in fact required elbow surgery once. Work never an issue nor employees, always took that way serious, dirt bike riding....well I do push it a little.

someone didn't read the thread.

Baits Out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjAP0yg1CrI

Cyclist

...gamble and lose...