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Sharing Male wisdoms . . .

Baits OutBaits Out Posts: 12,328 AG
Just received from one of my buds . . . who may be facing emergency
admittance to the local hospital ???



Q- How many men does it take to open a beer?
A- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A- Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never
be able to support you.

Q- Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A- So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A- When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q- How do you fix a woman's watch?
A- You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Q- Why did the woman cross the road?
A- Who cares, what was she doing out of the kitchen?

Q- Why do men pass gas more than women?
A- Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

Q- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?
A- The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
:hail

A southeast Florida laid back beach bum and volunteer bikini assessor who lives on island time. 

Replies

  • FibberMckeeFibberMckee Posts: 12,826 AG
    A misogynistic rant posing as "Male wisdoms" - Could have been the long sought remedy for itchy nads.
  • MACDMACD Posts: 5,008 Admiral
    A misogynistic rant posing as "Male wisdoms" - Could have been the long sought remedy for itchy nads.

    I always get my male wisdom in FS off Topic........
  • cprcpr Posts: 9,299 Admiral
    an oldie but goody, some people take the world way too seriously.
    "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function." F. Scott Fitzgerald

    "Prediction is very difficult, especially if it's about the future." Niels Bohr
  • Baits OutBaits Out Posts: 12,328 AG
    cpr wrote: »
    an oldie but goody, some people take the world way too seriously.


    And other poor negative souls always see the glass as half empty.

    Pity their lives starting this new year.

    A southeast Florida laid back beach bum and volunteer bikini assessor who lives on island time. 
  • onthefiftyonthefifty Posts: 4,094 Captain
    My significant other will laugh at this. Why? because we love dogs and she has a sense of humor. Happy New Year...Even to all you "negative Nancies"!!!
  • stc1993stc1993 Posts: 10,599 AG
    A couple of oldies:

    A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
    Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your p***s was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new one.

    They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

    The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "you must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

    The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

    The doctor comes back in the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

    "Yes I have," says the man. "

    And has she helped you make a decision?"

    "Yes" says the man.

    "What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

    "We're getting new granite counter tops."

    A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

    The kid says,"Yeah. I was a salesman back in North Dakota."

    Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and See how you did."

    His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

    The kid says, "One".
    The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
    The kid says, "$101,237.65".
    The boss says, "$101,237.65?" What the heck did you sell?"
    The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
    The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
    The kid said, "No the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot - you should go fishing.'
  • Baits OutBaits Out Posts: 12,328 AG
    Two great oldie goldies!

    Thank you!

    "The secret to being happy is having a good sense of humor . . .
    & a dirty mind."

    A southeast Florida laid back beach bum and volunteer bikini assessor who lives on island time. 
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